Laughter is the best medicine

 

Nine things I hate about every......
  1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... 
    I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch 
    when I ask where the toilet is? 
  2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room
    for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually. 
    
  3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". 
    Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it? 
    
  4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. 
    Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do 
    this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass! 
    
  5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I 
    paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor. 
    
  6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a 
    choice there, did ya sunshine? 
  7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? 
     If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an 
    improvement, then there must have been something before it. 
  8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest 
    damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer? 
    
  9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come 
    yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumass? 

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  THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO A COP... 

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) 
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 
3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 
5. Are You Andy or Barney? 
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 
8. I pay your salary! 
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! 
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. 
That's how far ahead of me they are. 
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been 
drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look 
glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" 
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EVER WONDER...
...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? 
...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
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Maintained by Ramanan. Last update was on 29 December 2004 . Contact me at rn246@cam.ac.uk

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